Sabotaging Myself Through My Food Blog

…or how I gained 50 pounds in one year through “blogging”…

When I started Nicole Rates It, I thought that I would use it as a platform to review the foods I love, promote local restaurants, record my travel adventures, and lose weight. Lose weight with a food blog? I have several friends that have been successful with it. It gave them accountability for their food habits, and they seemed to be able to keep their portions in control.

For me…it ended up being an excuse to eat. I spent money I didn’t have to eat foods that were not good for me. Even when I went on blogging hiatus in December, I still caught myself buying foods that I knew were unhealthy. I take dozens of pictures of a decadent meal, with the intent of eventually blogging about the amazing food I just consumed. I would use the blog as a reason to eat gargantuan portions, order desserts and appetizers, and get huge boxes of pastries at bakeries…all for “my blog.” And what has it done for me? It’s given me writers’ block and an additional 50 pounds on my already obese frame.
These are pastries from Schmidt’s Pastry Cottage in Taylorsville, Utah. This bakery catered my high school dances, and eating their treats reminds me of younger happier times. I started the blog post on these treats in January…took pictures, wrote out detailed descriptions, finished off the box, and never published the review. I cannot tell you how many other times I have done this.
As my months of unemployment have dragged on, I have finally taken up the hobby of cooking. I got a great Crockpot for Christmas, and I’ve been experimenting with all sorts of slow-cooked delights. Dr. Pepper BBQ pork roasts, chicken Tikka Masala, Cranberry Turkey, and more. I’ve been eating smaller portions, freezing the leftovers, and trying to stay away from the restaurants and bakeries where I lose control.
My problem isn’t lack of fruits and vegetables. I love my produce, and am anxiously awaiting farmers’ market season. The problem is all the dips, sauces and glazes I eat with my produce. I need to plan out my meals more carefully, journal my food consumption carefully, and listen to my body’s hunger signals more carefully. I need to take accountability for my actions. And I’ve realized that I can’t be successful right now with my weight loss goals with this blog.

In March I auditioned for NBC’s Biggest Loser reality show, feeling that I was a shoo-in. I need to lose 165 pounds, have had some incredibly unique health challenges, and I’ve got that winning personality that TV producers go nuts over. But I didn’t get the callback. And it’s sent me reeling into another depressive episode that makes me want to binge myself into oblivion. I’ve made the decision to step away for a while. Maybe permanently. But don’t fear, I’ll still be around…just not on Nicole Rates It.

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