Diagnosis Confirmed

Disclaimer: I am not a hypochondriac. I am an informed employee in a health-related profession.

Have you ever had something wrong with your health, which you absolutely knew, but your doctor wouldn’t take the time to listen to all of your symptoms? And you saw multiple doctors over an extended length of time, which never went beyond the obvious symptoms and only gave you the easy answer?

Yesterday I met with a doctor who really listened. He spent a focused 25 minute on my personal and family health history and symptoms, and confirmed a diagnosis I was certain I had for nearly 6 years. He agreed that the class of drugs I’d been treated with for 13 years was not working, and apologized that I hadn’t been prescribed something different sooner. He handed me a script for a drug that sounds like something an archeologist would discover, and asked me to come back in three weeks. I have a less common variation of the condition, but it does require the same treatment. I feel some amount of peace knowing my body well enough to not accept the status quo diagnosis.

I’m not sure I’m comfortable publicly publishing what health condition I have (I know…me being secretive?!?). I will say that the doc expects the medication to help my sleep quality significantly, without any sedative or stimulant effects. It’s not life threatening nor contagious, so have no fear! I’ll get through this, will a little help from my pills.

Better Than This

This morning I got an email from Facebook’s Compare People application, where you have a superlative description (most beautiful, most insane, etc) and photos of two people to vote on. Since I added the app, my “rankings” compared to my other Facebook friends have stayed pretty firm. But after reading today’s email, it appears I’ve lost a lot of popularity this week:

Changes in your ranks:
#2 most likely to succeed (lost 1 place)
#4 most punctual (lost 3 places)
#5 most organized (lost 4 places)
#6 most powerful (lost 3 places)
#8 person who can drink the most (lost 6 places)

At first I was a little disappointed. I liked the ranking of most likely to succeed. It felt like a trite and cyber-reality way to feel recognized for the effort I’ve put into my life to achieve success . And I know it’s not important, but I’m insecure. I had to give myself a pep talk: “Nicole, you’re SO much better than this.”

And speaking of better than this: Keane is releasing their “Better Than This” single on March 16. It’s the least Keane-sounding Keane song…and I love it.

Is this what you meant? Is this what you dreamed of? When you were making your plans, shaking the dirt off? Do you feel like you and I belong? (Oh woah oh!)Just keep your eyes on the road and nothing can go wrong

You can do so much better than this…You can do so much better than this

I’ve been checking my sums, oh where did the time go? Holding my photograph up to the window. Through the paper and refracted sun (Oh woah oh!) I can see all the things I wish that I’d done

You can hang your hopes on the medicine. You can put your faith in the phone in.You can tell yourself you’re doing your best. You can do so much better than this

Get a grip on yourself, Get a grip on yourself

Could’ve been something, but you’re too late. And you weren’t invited anyway. Cos the photograph showed the wrong man. Cos there is no soap star holding your hand. You don’t see yourself in the freeze frame. Must be someone else using your name. And everyone will be the same.And everyone will gloat, and everywhere you’ll see your name in every shop window

And speaking of Keane…65 more days till the Keane show at the LA Palladium. Woot!

Nicole’s state of the self 2007

Current mood: determined

I just walked back in the house from saying goodbye to Taylor. He is leaving for 3-5 weeks for Sheble’s Flight School in Kingman, AZ. This weekend has been hard, knowing that we’re about to embark on the longest seperation that we’ve had so far in our marriage. He was gone for about a week in October 2005 when he was finishing his Private Pilot License at Sheble’s. And I was in California for two weeks in May 2006 as Taylor was finishing up moving from Utah….but we saw each other for the weekend between at Andrea’s wedding in St. George. So 3-5 weeks seems like an eternity. He will return for a few days once he finishes his Commercial license to take his FAA written flight instructor test. And if he’s away for my birthday in February, we’ll spend a conjugal weekend in Laughlin. Until then, I’m a pilot widow.

This weekend I’ve been noticing how many things he does for me to make me happy. While he is gone, I’ll have to do all the dishes, cooking, cleaning, and Rosie-taxiing. I’ll have to double check the lights and locks before I go to bed. I’ll have to sleep in a bed only warmed by blankets and my own body heat. I love him so much and I know that this training will advance him for his future. So I’m a bit melancholy, but I’m sure I’ll be fine.

We had a wonderful trip to Utah for Christmas. It was great to see my family, friends, and old co-workers. I had lots of wonderful food that I can’t get in Cali (Leatherby’s, Famous Daves, and especially Cafe Rio (twice!!) When it was time to come home, I felt refreshed for a few more months.

Work is going fine. I’m working a little more at Chino Valley Hospital lately. It’s a longer commute, but I feel more appreciated there. Again, the new year of paychecks is a bit disappointing…..I’m making less this year than last because of benefit premium increases (and no raise.) C’est la vie.

Healthwise I’m doing okay. I saw the doctor last month and had a full lab workup. All tests are normal, which is good because I had been suspecting diabetes for a few months. I’ve lost about 17 pounds on Weight Watchers since October, which has helped my general well-being. I’m going to have to try harder to get to the gym while Taylor is gone. I’ll miss his babysitting for my gym visits. It would be good if I get into better shape while he’s gone and he notices my improvement. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.

Rosie continues to love Kindergarten. It’s fun to see her learning how to read. Now there are no written secrets…she will spell out words on my secret notes to self and figures things out. School starts back up again, so she’ll thrilled.

So that’s the state of me for January 2007. I’m surviving, but not quite thriving. Will be better when my husband is making money. Yay!

Currently listening :
Finally Woken
By Jem
Release date: 23 March, 2004