Curse You, Autocorrect!

Just a word of warning…this post is a little more scandalous than I usually write about. Probably not one you want to be sharing with the kids or with coworkers on company time. It shows my twisted sense of humor, brought to you in part by Apple, Inc.

iPhone autocorrectI won’t lie. I’m in love with and addicted to my iPhone 4. It’s sleek, it multitasks, it has apps for everything I can think of, and it keeps with my insane texting habits. My favorite feature is FaceTime, a video calling function that I joke is my “#1 Marital Aid” in a marriage with a constantly traveling husband. This is my 3rd iPhone. I’ve been buying them used, then reselling them to upgrade. In September, Taylor and I were eligible for upgrade on our plan, and splurged on a set of iPhone 4’s.

But what is the most infuriating feature??? AUTOCORRECT!!! I usually try to edit my texts and tweets before sending, but this phone is notorious for unwarranted, and downright Freudian, text fails. These crazy errors have prompted a blog called “Damn You, Autocorrect,” and it has been gaining popularity like wildfire. With the sheer amount of autocorrect mishaps I’ve had this week, I had no choice but to blog about it.

Last week, after almost an hour of driving to the SLC airport, Taylor realized that he forgot the keys to his car in Memphis. He needed to run errands in MEM on his time off, and it necessitated an overnight shipment of his set of keys. I checked shipping rates for both the postal service and FedEx. Before running to the post office, I tweeted about it. In full disclosure, I sent it by text…was so embarrassed that I deleted it, then laughed so hard that I retyped it out in Tweetdeck. Now for this to make sense, you’ll need to read from top to bottom.

iPhone autocorrectFor the next half hour or so, I was getting texts and tweets about my cervical faux pas. It was such a horribly wonderful faux pas that I decided to just run with it. Or as you can see above…my iPhone decided I needed to RUB with it.

Curse you Autocorrect

This incident came just on the heels of an Election Day Autocorrect #FAIL. I was texting a lawyer friend in California to see if he was watching the election results. But that’s not what my iPhone decided to say…

Curse you Autocorrect(This is the same lawyer friend that my phone switched “pro bono” to “pro boner.”)

I’ve been told that if you add an entry into your contacts, listing all the words that usually get swapped out, it won’t autocorrect. So far, that hasn’t been the case. The most common correction that happens is changing HELL to he’ll. And a few benign ones like ARE to ATE (since they’re close on the QWERTY keyboard.)

The most horrible change was sending my address to a former coworker, and it changed SPANISH FORK to Spanish F**k.

It’s changed my dinner of CHICKEN FAJITAS WITH CORN TORTILLAS to CHICKEN DAKOTAS WITH PORN GORILLAS.

It’s changed Christian SECT to Christian SEXY.

It’s changed AUTOPAY to AUTOPSY.

It’s changed AND to BS.

It’s changed SISSY to PUSSY.

It’s changed LIBRARY to VIBRATING.

It’s changed AWWWW to SEWERS.

It’s changed RESTAURANTS to RESTRAINTS.

It’s changed GLOSSY LOCKS to GLOSSY LICKS

So if you text a text or tweet from me that sounds a little off, or downright offensive…don’t blame me, blame my iPhone.

What is your most embarassing Autocorrect #FAIL?

  • I’m crying from the amusement of it all. I’ve gotten iPhone autocorrect texts of fail many times.

    Nothing as awesome as rubbing the postal cervix after erection night or anything.

    That’s just too awesome.

    I have had my droid do stupid grammar type changes, always for the wrong. Which wouldn’t be so aggravating except 1. I do know the difference and 2. I have a grammar nazi on my facebook that likes to harass me to no end. Anyone else wouldn’t care. BLARGH.

    Now that said, Verizon had a habit a few years back with sending texts to wrong people. I know this because my friend showed me her phone. She definitely sent the text about her boyfriends you know what in cammies to HIM. That was quite the surprise when it came into MY inbox. Sadly it wasn’t the only crosswires texts I have received. So always beware when sexting with your boy toy.

    Facetime seems safer. You can SEE that it is the right boy toy. ๐Ÿ™‚

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  • I love it my husband just facebooked about his IPhone always being right as it refused to let him use his version of right which was righter. He got a ton of responses with people agreeing so he chose to see how many other words he could make up and force on the IPhone the result was as follows : “Fine. More correcter, bestest, itellectualer, habit of being more righter (whoops). Veraciousable, dependablist, trustworthiest, precisest….” I thing that the IPhone 4 is more sophisticated in it’s auto-correct capabilities. Definitely sharing this on FB

  • I honestly don’t know how many emails I signed my name to before I realized that it was changing my name from Jill to Kill.

    Awesome.

    When I discovered what was happening, I sent an email to a friend of mine who I had just sent a rather whiny message to, and she said “Oh, I just thought that you were really mad.”

    I just find it interesting that m iPod thinks it knows what word I want to type than I do.

  • I must be boring… I’ve got nothing… well at least nothing I can remember. LOL

  • Pupe-cleaner tiaras!!!! That was another one of yours but it was about me so it counts. ๐Ÿ˜€

  • I can’t think of anything off the wall i’ve sent, but there have definitely been some incomprehensible texts here and there

  • Love it! My favorite auto-correct is the Spanish Fork one!!!

  • Those are hilarious! How funny. “Porn gorillas”?! LOL!

  • I just found that website yesterday and I was DYING reading the entries. You’ve definitely had your share. Some where the inventor of that function is having a good laugh…

  • Oh my Hilarious!!

  • Bre

    I am dying here! My iphone retweets randomly for me too! Love that. Not so much.

  • That is hilarious!! I don’t use auto correct on my blackberry. Great to meet you yesterday at BBC! I’m following you now because I love to laugh!

  • Tiffany {SITS GIRLS}

    Dude… this happens to me daily.

    Public changed to Pubic was pretty funny….

  • OMG- you are too funny! I needed a good laugh! Thanks

  • I am extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a nice blog like this one these days.. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Jen

    Haha!! I think you have a dirty little iphone! Porn Gorillas!!! I don’t care who you are, that is FUNNY! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • First time I have found your blog. Great post, I’m sure I’ll be back again. Thanks!

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  • Great post!

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