Phony McPhonerton

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Tomorrow (or tonight, or Thursday, who knows?) I’m leaving for New York City. I’m headed to the BlogHer Conference, which I’ve been excited about for MONTHS. Excited but anxious. I’ve read other bloggers’ accounts of their past experiences at the BlogHer concerences, and it seems like it could be a fine combination of awkward, awful, and awesome. I’m excited about the people I’m rooming with. I’m excited to be volunteering. I’m excited for the parties. I’m excited to meet my online friends in person, and reconnect with others I’ve previously met. But I’m worried…I feel like a bit of a phony. A self-proclaimed “blogger” who hasn’t even updated her site in over a month.

It’s been a crazy summer. Between Rosie’s rehearsals and performances in “The Music Man,” Taylor’s commute, and my school, I’ve managed to keep myself very busy. I am frustrated that school is taking so long, and was hoping to be working by now. I was really hoping to be off to NYC with a little more cash in my pocket. I’ve seriously considered not going. It’s hard to go to a big, expensive, unfamiliar place like New York without means to recover from a possible travel disaster. Some plans have already fallen through, partially due to my anxiety-ridden procrastination. As I write this, I’m still scrambling for a place to stay Wednesday night. I could plan on taking the Wednesday night red-eye from SLC…but if I miss the flight I’m hosed. Maybe I’ll try staying with another friend in an east coast city, then hop over to NYC Thursday morning. Who knows?

It’s times like these that I feel like a Phony McPhonerton. What happened to the confident, spontaneous, and blogging Nicole I usually am?

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