So Much to Say

So Much to Say
Wow….I haven’t updated in a few days….and when life is eventful….the posts tend to be clipped short to fit it all in. Here’s the rundown:

Sunday:
Watched the MoTab’s 75th Anniversary Broadcast. I want to be a part of them someday.
Church was excellent. Feeling the spirit more and more each week.
Rosie still in Idaho for Butler Family Reunion. Slight pangs of sadness.

Met Martel and Sharol, Taylor’s uncle and aunt in Sandy. They live right by GG & Pop’s place on Campus Drive. They have beautiful twins, Bailey and Bennett, six weeks old. It was so fun to hold little bebees! And Taylor was dang cute holding them too. Ate some of Sharol’s BTS cake, and I stumbled over trying to make a joke about it (I bet its not as good as mine!) Took some nice pictures from their balcony, and felt very comfortable. (Much more confortable than it EVER was meeting the Perrys)

Took a drive up Big Cottonwood Canyon, listening to a mix CD Taylor made for me (Including: Hold Me Now, For Once in My Life, Sarah singing Rainbow Connection, and GROWING PAINS theme song!) Drove up to Brighton, watched the clouds float and sun set. Enjoyed each other’s company…it was terribly nice to be together alone. I can’t even count the times he told me how beautiful I am. *sigh*

Monday:
No concentration at work. Listened to Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on repeat.

After work, ran to pick up a pizza for dinner and Rosie. Taylor came over to have dinner and work on my computer while I got ready for the concert. Chatted with Tonya about wedding plans….funny how I was a little jealous of her. She took some pics of us on my digital camera, but unfortunately they didn’t come out very clear. I vamped up my hair with some big sexy curls (which I don’t think I’ve done in months and months) Taylor said I looked great, but he likes me with my hair straight better.

We got to the E-Center with enough time to hit up the radio station drawings. I ran into Jorge from work with his wife, they looked almost as happy to be there as Tay and I. We were in section 103, which was just a few feet left of the stage, and we were in the center of row 13. EXCELLENT seats…worth the $150 I forked out for them. Butterfly Boucher was the opening act, who also opened for BNL. She is very cool, need to download “Little White Dash.”

As for Sarah….words cannot describe how incredible the show was. She opened with “Fallen.” The stage was very cool….almost a fantasy/LOTR landscapey thing going on. We were close enough to the stage to check out her facial expressions, but we were very very close to the video screen, so nothing was left up to the imagination. Her set list was amazing…the WHOLE Afterglow album, most of Surfacing and Fumbling, and a few early songs I didn’t recognize. She even did a little “You are my Sunshine,” and Blackbird. I could go on and on for hours about how amazing it was, if you want the full rundown….contact me!

I ended up buying her postcard set, and a poster of Afterglow. It was pouring rain as we went out to the car. Traffic wasn’t too terrible to get out and get home. When we pulled up to my house, Taylor said how he wished the night didn’t have to end there. He walked me to my door, and realized that he hadn’t put my computer back together. So he came in, and he joked “You know, we’re going to have to put my computer at this desk!” And from then on out, or conversation had a very positive spin towards the future. He didn’t propose, but he said that nothing could make him happier than the thought of me being his wife. And once that topic is mentioned, it’s hard not to fanasize about what that would be like. This should be an interesting next few months. We stayed up talking until 3 am, and I didn’t want the night to end.

Tuesday:
Work was a bugger, having only 3.5 hours of sleep. Team meeting was okay, found out I’ll be shortly moving cubicles again. *ick*
Went to Enrichment night, Preparedness night. Tried freeze dried refried beans and other lovely food storage creations.
Had a very very nice phone convo with Taylor, reminiscing of the previous night. Didn’t want to use up all of his minutes on his phone, so we IM’d for a while as he did homework and I made a child support spreadsheet. Steve owes me $300, but there’s still the inheritance issue. Ohhh….I can’t wait until he gives up on getting his money back. Grrrr

Wednesday:
Nothing too exciting, other than talking to Taylor a few times. He called me at work, and my coworkers joked about me saying “I love you too,” at the end of the conversation.
Picked up some CDs at the library to burn, almost done, then heading home to bed

Field Trip to Provo

The trip to Provo was long…just over 90 minutes. We went to his friend Eric’s place at Wymount, and ate dinner with him, his wife Jennifer, and their daughter Hayley. We grilled steaks, and I brought my broccoli salad. Jennifer was very cool…she and I had a talk while the guys were at the grill. I asked her for the scoop on Taylor….things about him she knows that I might never know. She said that Taylor is a video game addict…he loses track of time easily when it’s on. He forgets things at their house every time he’s over, and he detests green beans. She did say that he is a very quality guy…very few men in the world as gentlemanly and genuinely kind as Taylor. She said he will treat me like gold.

After dinner, we headed back to his apartment. We went through stacks of pictures. There was stuff from mission, Ricks….and then lots of pics of him with Amanda. He kept saying he was embarrased that there were so many. I told him not to sweat it…it was kinda fun to see the pics of him with such a silly-lovestruck grin on his face. Wonder if he smiles like that when he thinks of me. I snatched two pics of him…one was from three weeks ago at Disneyland. (he is trying to pull the sword out of the stone) The other is from christmas 2002 in front of the SL Temple (he looks soooooo good in it)

Rosie, Taylor, snuggled up on the couch to watch the Simpsons. Funny how we laughed in the exact same places. It was amazing how “at home” I felt…the three of us together. I was sad to be sick…I was nervous to be close to Taylor because I don’t want him to get sick. Even today, I’m still congested and coughing and a bit feverish. But he still insisted on kissing me goodbye. Silly goof. When we were hugging goodbye, I asked him if it was awkward for him to have Rosie there. He said that it will be a big adjustment to jump into a father role, but he laughed and said that he won’t miss the diaper disasters and midnight feedings. Interesting how he put such a positive future spin on the conversation…kinda like “when,” not “if.”

Who knows though….no need to hurry this. I’m just enjoying it while it’s here.

Rosie’s latest trauma and spiritual decisions

I was in the kitchen after I got off work and I suddenly heard a massively frightening scream. “Mommy the bee stunged me!” So we iced it, put some sting remedy on, put on some Spongebob, and she’s doing much better. What’s up with all of these weekly incidents? Makes me feel like a bad mommy.

Last night I was chatting with Hedger about how he and his fiance progressed from friends to more. It was cool to hear his story…he’s sending out his announcements tomorrow. They aren’t having a reception, just a little family shindig after the temple. I’ve thought a lot about what I’d like for a wedding if I do remarry. I feel like my wedding arrangements with Steve were a little more grandiose than necessary. It wasn’t flamboyant by any means, but there were somethings that could have been omitted and I would have been happy. IFF Taylor and I were to get married, it would have to be a much smaller affair…and I’d be happy with that.

I can’t remember the last time I felt so devoted and firm in my spirituality. It’s amazing the difference I’ve felt in my life since I changed my attitude from “How bad can I be and still be good?” to “How can I draw nearest to my Savior?” I’ve been keeping up on my daily study of the Book of Mormon and Jesus the Christ. And my prayers have felt so much more purposeful. Rosie had a REAL lesson out of the manual for FHE this week, and she seemed to understand the things I read directly from the text. I feel like I’m on the right track. Back when I was visiting with Bishop Monson in January, he told me that as soon as I figured out some of my demons, gave myself some time to heal, and found my way back to having the spirit in my life…finding a good worthy priesthood holder would soon follow. And the blessing Dad gave me 6 weeks ago mentioned something to that effect…that there was a great worthy man that would soon come into my life.

I wonder if these feelings I have for Taylor are founded and real…and that the “answers” I am getting to my prayers are what the Spirit wants me to hear (not just what I WANT to hear) Last night I was talking to Heidi about the ways she felt when her and Robby started dating. It reminded me a lot of Taylor and I. She said, “When you feel right about it, consider it a blessing from Heavenly Father. Don’t sit around and rationalize it. If things are meant to be, and you are keeping the commandments and drawing nearer to Him, you will know what to do.”

My thoughts have been turning a lot to the temple lately. I have faith that I’m doing what is necessary to make it there worthily very soon. And I think it will be important to recommit to frequent temple attendance. I’m sure Em will be willing to be my temple buddy. And I also would like to attend with Taylor. However, I do feel a bit of hesitation with that because of what happened with Tim (on our “supposedly righteous” temple day) I have been having a very strong draw to the Mt. Timpanogas Temple. I’ve thought a lot about the day I went through that temple for the open house (back in ’96 I think?) I remember walking into the bride’s room, and just being overcome with the spirit…I couldn’t even stand up. I had a whispering at that time. I don’t remember the exact words, but I remember the feeling. Good things were to happen to me in that temple. I don’t know if that is where I’d choose to be sealed, but I think my first time back to the Temple, I want it to be at Mt. Timp.

I was looking through my computer, and was very pleased to realize that I had saved several IMs from Taylor! These were some of our first conversations, and I though it would be cool to have them posted and easily readable. Also, I thought I’d give a quick run-down of our first few dates…just for “posterity’s sake.”

First Email to Me
From : Taylor Bullock
Sent : Wednesday, April 7, 2004 11:02 PM
To : cuteculturechick@hotmail.com
Subject : Hello there!

Hey cuteculturechick, I just wanted to introduce myself, my name’s Taylor Bullock. Your profile intrigued me and I thought that we could get to know each other a little better. A little bit about me, I’ll be starting my final year at BYU this spring (and am SO looking forward to being done.) I’m an international relations major and would like to work for the government eventually as an analyst. Time will tell, but I’m the oldest of 7, the youngest is seven (she’s the cute redhead in the pictures) and I’m a California boy, grew up in the subburbs of LA. I love dancing (especially big band), movies, and I sing a little (or took a semester of voice lessons at any rate). I served my mission in La Paz, Bolivia, and have been home about 3 and a half years. I graduated from Ricks with an AA in Spanish and International Studies, and have been plugging away at school ever since.

I’d love to hear a little bit about you, your family, ect. You’re a U2 fan? I think we could get along! Your daughter is adorable by the way, nice work! I’ve got some studies to take care of before bed, but take care, until next time…..

Sincerely,
Taylor

First Date
We met in Murray at Baja Fresh. Did a little of the basic “getting to know you chitchat. I was suprised to hear that he had only been out of his engagement for a month, and was suprised that he said he felt ready to give dating a chance again. I remember him distinctly telling me, “You are an amazing lady,” for the trials and adversity that I seem to be handling so well. He also said I reminded him of his mother. I instantly fell for his smile. After eating, we had a few minutes to kill…so we went in my car and listened to John Mayer. We sang along, and discussed our other music interests. He may have grabbed my hand for a squeeze once or twice, and the date ended with a hug.

Work Encounter
Taylor was working at Sugarhouse Circuit City at the time. I stopped by the store on my way to working for Linda one day….a few days after our first date. I brought Rosie along, and we browsed the computer section and talked for a few minutes with him when he wasn’t with a customer. There was a flat-screen monitor that had an animated fishtank design that looked a lot like “Finding Nemo.” Rosie asked about Taylor a few times after, “Where is the boy with the fish tv?”

Second Date
He picked me up at my house, and we went to a hole in the wall mediterranean restaurant in Fort Union. He got the info off of the internet, and was embarrassed that it wasn’t all that the website made it out to be. I don’t remember the conversations much, but I do remember enjoying my time with him. We went to the Sandy dollar theater, and he let me pick the flick. I chose “The Home Teachers,” which he moaned and complained about. I thought it was pretty stupid too. He didn’t have cash on him, and I threw down the money to see the movie. He said, “My sense of chivilry can’t handle that….I need to make it up to you.” So we went to Baskin Robbins and got ice cream. A few hand squeezes, and an hug at the end.

Tuesday, July 13th, 2004

Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
Twitterpation is a unique feeling. Forget to eat, daydreaming, and being accused of having a “smile that won’t wash away.” Nothing too thrilling went on at work, but it was a nice day nonetheless. I listened to some of the CDs Taylor burned for me (Andrea Bocelli, James Taylor, U2, and Sting) Told a few coworkers about my boy, some seemed happy, some rolled their eyes over ANOTHER guy in my life. Tried calling him on my lunch, but just got voice mail. I’m pathetic for wanting to talk to him all the time. Also picked up my Sarah tickets from the ebay guy. (We met at Fazolis. mmmm baked ziti) Monday will be such a great night!

Checked Dan’s LJ today, where he expressed some disgust over reading about my budding romance with Taylor. I sent him an email of affirmation…telling him how much the time we spent together meant to me, and wishes for a great future. We IM’d for a while, I appreciate him humoring me with a few details of my love life. “I never meant to cause you trouble, I never meant to do you harm.”

Tay and I IM’d also. I love it when he ends with “ciao bella!” He and I talked about the Five Love Languages. I so need to dig up that book for reference. He said he doesn’t think that there is one specific way that he wants to be shown love. I guess I’ll have to be creative. I said that mine was time and kind words. “LOL That won’t be easy for me!” We also talked on the phone after 9 (when his night minutes kick in) and we breached a few of the sticky subjects, like how Steve is still on the title of the house (I still am not certain on what I should do…he was saying I should sell my house at a loss and move in with my parents to save money. Not sure how I feel about that!) But I expressed some of my concerns about abandonment and self-doubt. He said that I have nothing to worry about. We made a promise to be honest, and if there are doubts and concerns about our relationship…we need to work them out as they come, not let them fester and get worse. I worry that I still have too much baggage. I’ve been thinking of going back to my counselor.

I feel like I’ve had so much extra time in the past few days! I haven’t been wasting copious amounts of text messages, haven’t made plans with other guys, and I don’t really miss it too much. I wish Taylor lived closer though, so we could spend our time together. We’re getting together Thursday night in Provo (possibly with his best friend who is married and their kid. Should be interesting)’

I’ve been thinking about my tendencies to rush things in relationships. It’s hard not to when things feel so right. I wonder why I have such a desire to make a permanent relationship arrangement. I should be taking it easy, enjoying the time we have as it comes. Must admit that I’m sad I’m not with him tonight, since it was an option.

In other news….I’ve been looking into school again. Weber’s Respiratory Therapy program is quite intriguing, and I like the idea of the distance courses and the Salt Lake Campus. Still praying about it…but I think I’ll fill out financial aid applications this week. Ah, to be a student again!

Quick Meme (courtesy of two emails I received)
CD in player: Sarah McLachlan “Afterglow”
Current Read: Jesus The Christ by James E Talmage
Last Purchase: Sarah McLachlan tickets off ebay (13th row, less than box office price!)
Next Purchase: Probably application fees for Weber State
Last movie seen: The Terminal
Next movie you want to see: The Notebook
Last Person you went out with: Taylor
Next person you want to go out with: Taylor
Last person you kissed: Taylor (my, I see a trend here)
Currently wearing: Burgandy dress and black sandals
Summer theme song: At the John Mayer concert, he said that “Clarity” was the official song for the middle of summer, and he hopes we “all find that special person to spend forever with.”

Historical Blogging/IMing

Monday, July 12th, 2004
Taylor says: I’m glad you got some quality time with Rosie at least
Nicole says: Yeah….it was soooo nice, I can’t remember the last time when I had a whole day at home with her. Oh, I got her a CTR ring today…she is so happy
Taylor says: very cool, does she know what it means?
Nicole says: “choose the wight way”
Taylor says: nice
Nicole says: when I was waking up from my nap, Rosie started jumping on the bed singing “Book of Mormon Stories” Oh, and it was so cute….I asked Rosie if he liked you…
Taylor says: oh yeah?
Nicole says: she said “yeah, he’s really nice and I like that he kisses you a lot. I think he loves you this much!” (and she held out her arms all the way)
Taylor says: lol, nice
Nicole says: so do you? (with arms all the way out?)
Taylor says: yeah I do!
Nicole says: I’ve been just floating with happiness today
Taylor says: that’s a great change of pace! Happiness and your daughter
Nicole says: so apparently I’m quite the heartbreaker…I’ve turned down 4 dates this week
Taylor says: wow, I feel partially responsible…
Nicole says: I wouldn’t have it any other way. And someone had ordered flowers to be delivered to me tomorrow….he was really mad. Luckily he was able to get a refund LOL
Taylor says: lol, nice. There are a couple girls calling me and I’ve been trying to avoid them…..but the pain will have to be faced!
Nicole says: will the pain be worth it?
Taylor says: all signs point to positive!
Nicole says: WOO HOO! Ah Taylor, you’re the best
Taylor says: I do what I can
Nicole says: well, what you’re doin’ is working for me
Taylor says: anytime girl

Current Mood: loved
Current Music: When We Dance, Sting

It’s hard to believe that this could feel so right

Sunday morning I had planned on attending a singles ward with Kellie, since Rosie would still be gone. But I had absolutely no desire to do so after my night with Taylor. I think that my prayer and scripture study was much more advantageous to setting myself on the meat market to be observed. I chatted with Steve for a few this morning, gave him the rundown on the Taylor situation…and declined the Sarah tix. I think I want to suprise Taylor with tickets. I picked up Rosie around noon from Steve. She had such a gorgeous flower girl dress from Selena’s wedding. I think I will need to get her picture taken in it. Taylor and I made plans to get together after church.

Sacrament meeting was wonderful. I partook of the sacrament for the first time since January. I don’t think it has ever been so meaningful….

As now our minds review the past we know we must repent
The way to thee is righteousness, the way thy life was spent
Forgiveness is a gift from Thee we seek with pure intent
With hands now pledged to do Thy work, we take the Sacrament

Sunday school was also excellent. RS was on principles of financial security. We discussed the blessings of paying a full tithe. That reminded me of Friday night, when Taylor called me when I was at the dance. He had called to find out which CDs I wanted him to burn for me. He had joked, “Ah, the blessings that come from paying your tithing.” It was cool.

Scripture of the day: Alma 26:35-37

Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, wisdom and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.

Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo. Yea, blessed is the name of my God, who has been mindful of this people, who are a branch of the tree of Israel, and has been lost from its body in a strange land; yea, I say, blessed be the name of my God, who has been mindful of us, wanderers in a strange land.

Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen.

I invited Taylor to come for dinner with my family. I went over straight after church so I had some time to be with my fam before he arrived. I gave my mom a heads up on the evening before, so she could be prepared. I had told her that Taylor had said that he loved me, and she got so excited and gave me a huge hug. I made him a mix cd of songs I like, but I think there might have been an error on it…I’ll have to ask him if it worked okay. We had tacos, then watched part of the Pearl Awards. I was hoping to see ME on camera, but the only shot I was in had my head cut off. LOL.

After watching the Pearls, Taylor and I took a walk on the Jordan River Parkway. We walked hand in had, enjoying the scenery and getting to know each other…with a little talk that nudged toward future plans. He asked me what my plans were for the next six months. I had said that I would continue to work, and make the decision about school (as to which program, full vs part time, and where to attend) I had told him that when I have prayed about it, I hadn’t ever gotten any definite positive answers. He said “You do need to make a decision though. The Lord can’t direct a parked car.” He also said that he’d like to be a part of helping me make my decision.

We did a little “comparison-ing”, how when we date people there is a a natural tendency to see how people compare to others we have been interested in. Both of us have dated several people in the two months we didn’t see each other. He said that he always compared them to Amanda. But with me, I don’t even compare…I stand on my own. (What an amazing compliment) He’s never dated or been interested in someone divorced or someone with a child, but with me it doesn’t intimidate him. We discussed how he had gotten engaged so quickly previously, and had vowed to take things slow with his next relationship. But we both know the feelings are there. We would be so good for each other. He has been good for my self-confidence, giving me affirmations like “Don’t ever doubt your self worth again,” and “You are a truly amazing woman.” How can a person not feel loved when hearing that and knowing that it is meant in all honesty and adoration?

This was one of the most beautiful and fulfilling conversations I have ever had. We talked about the importance of keeping our behavior in check, because nothing is worth losing out on the temple marriage opportunity. He didn’t propose to me, obviously….but I can definitely see us going in that direction….starving student and all. I was looking in his mingle profile today, and loved some of his comments…

If I had $10 million… I guess one doesn’t need a lot of Babylon to be happy. A nice house in the suberbs would be cool. (maybe one by the beach too!) I love to travel and would like to spend sometime in Europe and just getting to know this beautiful world, hopefully going on a lot of missions. Oh yeah, a car that doesn’t break down on me every few months would be way nice!

My perfect day would be… Going up Pacific Coast highway in a convertible (I can dream, can’t I?) with good music, good friends (or even better, my mate), and good weather. Most importantly, school has to be the most distant thing from my mind. I hope for a day in the future when I can come home from a great job and see my wife and kids and just know in that moment that all is right with the world!

One final thing I’d like to mention… Nah, I’m not that complicated! 🙂

Needless to say, I’m one happy camper!

Make a wish, say a prayer, take my hand and stay forever

Saturday I didn’t have much planned, and Wade called me to see if I’d like to see a movie. We went and saw “The Terminal.” Very good flick. And we got ice cream after. Very nice guy, although young. I was a bit anxious to get to my date with Taylor.

He picked me up around 6:30 and we headed up to This is the Place. He had taken my hand in his almost as soon as we got in the car, which he had never done before. He had made a mix CD of Sarah McLachlan, Sting, and John Mayer. When “Possession” came on, and we were both singing along….we gave me a look that was much more than friendly. It was a sultry hot evening, sprawled out on blankets under a blazing sun. I got a little bit sunburned, but the gorgeous sunset made up for it. Peter B and Nancy Hanson were headliners, along with some other LDS performers. However, we felt like we were a mile back and the sound system was poor, so the concert was just background noise to some wonderful conversations.

My attraction to him was nearly immediate. Beginning with holding hands, and progressing to cuddling, and eventually our first kiss. It was kinda funny because when Peter B came out and everyone started screaming…I said to Taylor “Now that’s what it’s all about!” And he replied…”No, this is.” And he pulled me in and I was a goner. There were a lot of kisses…but it wasn’t like we made out. Just a few sweet pecks here and there. And when he pulled me into his arms it just felt so….right. But it wasn’t just about our physical attraction, I also was impressed on many other levels. (Mentally, spiritually, etc…) And wow, how wonderful his compliments are! “How did you get so dang beautiful?”

We ate dinner at Noodles and Co. He told me about the rough life he’s had with his family (5 divorces, father in prison, psycho sister, etc…) And I gave him more background on my relationship with Steve, and he seemed so appalled and disgusted and the things that I’d been through in my marriage. He said that nobody deserves to be treated so terribly, and he’d never do anything to make me feel less of a person. We had joked earlier in the week that he has too much free time this summer and he needed a hobby….he said he wanted me to be his hobby. He made it very clear that he wanted to be with me, and at the end of the evening he told me that he loved me. “I love you, girl” were his exact words, and that is the first time a man has expressed that before I had.

I have been on dates with many people since my divorce…30 or so I’d guess. And even with the ones I’ve had a connection to…none of them have made me felt this way, and taken away my desire to date other men. But it didn’t take long for me to decide that I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

I spent a lot of time on my knees, reading my scriptures and studying my patriarchal blessing today. And I had a VERY strong impression that I need to allow this relationship to develop. When I was dating Steve, and had asked those same questions, my answer was to not end it, just allow it to happen and see where it went. And reading in my PB about the mate that I need to seek just sealed the deal, because I believe that Taylor would fulfill all these requirements.

I’ve been telling myself to take things slow when I found someone that I wanted to be serious with, but I have such a strong desire to pursue our relationship. As good as the answers to prayers felt today, I wonder if it is more the spirit saying it is right, or my own self wanting it to be right. Time will tell. I think that the distance between us having him in Provo may be advantageous, as hard as it will seem when we want to spontaneously get together. However, he has been thinking about moving to SLC because his friend is needing a roommate. Ah, how nice it would be….

Okay…I’m tired. I will talk about the Sunday night adventure later. I’m off to bed to “sleep just to dream him.”

Flying Solo on Friday

Friday night I went to the Octapella concert alone at Brigham Young park. I had never seen them before, but they were very fun to see! They do a little cheezy choreography with the show, but they have some great numbers. I especially liked “Kiss the Girl,” “Light in your Eyes,” and “BALD-hemian Rhapsody.” I would have bought their CDs had I brought cash. Tyson and I had mentioned getting together for the performance, but he ended up staying home.

Afterwards I went to Trolley Square for the Steve Ames dance. It was free (Ladies Night!) so I figured what the heck. I didn’t know anyone but Mark Eborn (cute bookstore boy…who asked me if I wanted to M-O again. LOL) I met up with some girls and they were fun to chill with. I did some kareoke (“Building a Mystery”) There were a few people at the dance which I loved chilling with. One was Bryce who was in SLC visiting from BYUI (originally from Cali) and he was a total cutie. Only been home from his mish for a month or so, so a bit on the awkward side….but we had a great time Kareokeing to “LOVE SHACK!” I also met Wade, who invited me to Dees with some other people.

There were eight of us at Dees. We played some fun icebreakers like Two Truths and a Lie, and Describing our First Kiss. Wade was pretty flirty with me, but a guy named Nate also caught my attention. He was a bit of a trophy boy (Duke grad, Marketing job with Zions Securities, drives a sweet bimmer, used to model for Quicksilver) and although we exchanged numbers, I doubt I’ll hear from him again unless it is with this group. It’s been a while since I’ve gone out after a dance, and I didn’t get home until 4 am. I was sleepy, but it was nice having the option to sleep in until 9:30.

Rosie’s Trauma

This evening Rosie and I went to Tyson’s house. He made dinner, and we watched “Help!” in honor of Ringo’s birthday. We were enjoying the movie as Rosie fed the dogs popcorn and ran around. Suddenly, we heard a clash of breaking glass, and Rosie started whimpering. She had tripped with a glass of water in her hands, and it shattered. There was a lot of blood dripping heavily, and shards of glass all in her arm and hands. We hurried over to Instacare to have them clean up the wounds. Rosie was so brave, she didn’t even flinch as they tended to her wounds. No stitches were needed, just some Dermabond. She’ll be good as new in a few days.

After Instacare, we went to Sonic for treats. Tyson said he felt like a daddy watching Rosie be hurt and worrying that things might go wrong. We bonded a lot tonight….and he kissed me on the cheek goodbye. What is up with this week and having people that I have had lengthy friendships with…suddenly have more than friendly feelings for? Tyson is yet another person I need to do some thinking about.

I’m not sure my heart/head can process so much information at this time. As we speak, I’m on the phone with Taylor…and I feel good things from him too. And I’m IMing Steve about our good times together. My life is a soap opera, but much cleaner. This is highly unusual. I need to figure things out….I don’t want anyone to feel led on. I think my life is going manic again. I’m a bit scared.

John Mayer is tomorrow. How would it be to be there?

What a Weekend!

I don’t think I can give a detailed account of the workings of this weekend…I got home at 6 am and am running on an hour of sleep. Here’s the short version….

Sunday:
Church was excellent. Fast and Testimony Meeting, SS Lession on Ammon, and RS Lesson on Standing in Holy Places. The ward RS theme for the rest of the year is focused on feeling the love of Christ in our daily lives. The three part goal is:

Daily Personal Prayer
Daily Scripture Study
Standing in Holy Places

Sunday afternoon I had a family party at Grant and Hollie’s…and I brought along a cute boy. Taylor and I had originally planned to attend a fireside, but when I heard about the barbeque, I jokingly asked if he would be interested….and he was! I was fully aware of the possible scandal talk that would ensue, but if there’s any guy I know that I would take home to my family….Taylor is on the short list. We’ve only been out twice I think, and that was back in April. But he seemed to fit in with my family….almost too comfortably. When he put his arm around my shoulders, everyone’s eyebrows raised. Hehehe. It was a fun dinner, I love having Taylor there and was sad that he could only stay two hours. He asked me out for Saturday. I’m excited *squeee!*

Monday:
Went out to breakfast with Steve. Strawberry stuffed french toast at IHOP. “Shut up, Honey!” We also played around with his guitar at his place, and I talked about how I wanted to buy a bass. We ended up pawn shop hopping, looking at basses. I was really tempted by a purple Ibanez, only $89. But it needed new strings. I still don’t know if I can rationalize the purchase. But it was a very fun morning. Earlier in the week we’d had a talk about how he wanted to still hang out with me, but not on dates. Funny that I felt more sparks with him in the three or so hours we were together today than I had in months. Still suprised that he kissed me goodbye. Five months of friendship…and now this twist of fate. Time to contemplate this situation.

Went to Idaho with Dave. ROADTRIP!!! Good music, good conversation, good scenery. We talked a lot about our divorces and how we’ve coped. I cried listening to Matchbox Twenty with so many feelings close to the surface. I will do a MB20 post soon. We were going to eat at Big Jud’s, but I got lost on the highway and couldn’t find it. I ended up giving Dave a tour of BYU-Idaho. The Spori’s all done now, and so is the Hinckley Building. And the hill is just splattered with married student housing. We ate at Gringos, soooo yummy. (and so many memories there!) We drove into IF, relaxed at Freeman Park by the river. Took a nice nap in the sun, and have a surburn to prove it. Texted Steve a little bit…it was wierd because part of me wanted to be with him. But Dave was a fun date. Fireworks were incredible!! 30 minutes of pure pyromaniacal splendor.

Traffic wasn’t too terrible, but we were so tired that both of us had a hard time staying awake. Took turns driving, but it was a fight to stay on the road. Got to his apartment about 3 am…I crashed on his couch for a while to muster up some strength to drive home from Layton. Arrived in my bed just around 6 am. One hour of sleep. ZZZZZZZZ

Tuesday:
CIF and Credits, and Krystal Training. IDX was down for a while, so the team got to eat lunch together. Gave Karen the run-down on my weekend adventures.
Fought the sleepies all day long, but never fell asleep
Texted Kirk a bit. He’s a hoot! Calls me the “amatuer”
Just finishing up this not-so-compact LJ. Time to get ready to see Bishop Peterson. I’m nervous.